Day 10 – Day 1 Oslo Part Deux-Deux – Oh yeah we got poop!
WARNING! If you are faint of heart or stomach or are easily offended by talk of poop or pee please, please, please, DO NOT READ OR VIEW THIS POST!
Ok so for any parents who have ever adopted a baby in China you remember the poo-poo speech. For those that don’t it goes something like, “ok; zuh babeez yeah? Zuh babeez iz very tired yeah and zuh babeez iz very scaret, and zuh babeez iz all different yeah? Ok! So zuh babies no want to poop, zay no go poop. You know? Ok, so you make zuh babeez go zuh poop yeah? Alwayz to watch for zuh poop yeah? Ok? Ok yeah! So you watch the poop yeah?”
As some of you may also know that our last experience in China (London) left us on poo-poo patrol for nearly a week and we were the bad parents…….but not this time! Oh no, not this time!
Mom & Oslo Ready to Explore
As I mentioned before, little man (Oslo) needed a pair of shoes that fit, so after a quick nap it was time to try out the new baby carrier strap-on thingy and we off on our first expedition as a family and without a guide to tell us what he should wear, how to carry him etc etc.
We took a nice leisurely walk to the West Lake (really what Hangzhou is known for - well that and green tea) looking in store fronts as we went, hoping to find a nice inexpensive baby shoe store. We got all the way to the lake and didn’t find one. The lake really is quite picturesque and the breeze was really nice!
The West Lake - Hangzhou
In case I hadn’t mentioned it, China is hot right now, really, really hot and it seems that each city we go to is hotter than the last.
Anyway, I started to take pictures etc, and little man (xiao nan ren) became fussy, really fussy. Now under normal circumstances a fussy kid in public would be no match for my wife, but in China we a serious oddity. We are stared at literally by everyone when we are holding (or attached one to us) a baby that clearly looks Chinese. I just assume since adoption is not publicized at all here, most people think we stole him. So we walked away from the crowds and shortly found refuge in a Starbucks (not because we love the place). The place was all but empty. So a few iced joka-mottay-super-carmel-broka-tatays or whatever they were and we’re ready to move on.
Oslo at the dreaded Starbucks
Maybe 40 paces outside, we heard the first “click-click” sound. That is the “Hey Chinese baby, do you need be to save you from the foreigners?” sound that astonishingly every Chinese female over 25 can make. It’s made by pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth and pulling it back down quickly to release the air. The really good ladies can be heard from blocks away. When I was a young kid I used to make a similar noise, the same way, to represent the sound of horse-shoes on pavement (”clip-clop” “clip-clop”).
So determined not to be frustrated by it this time, I just turned to see where it came from and gave a wave and a big “Ni Hao”. We moved a little closer to the offending women on their park bench, had a short conversation, which amounted to “we’re Americans, he’s from Wenzhou, he’s broken and he will get surgeries in America.” I say quickly but I really don’t mean it as we really just looked for a stopping point in the polite conversation by saying we had to go shopping for the little man, for some shoes and bolted into a shopping “mall” to avoid continuing the conversation.
Once inside we realized things were very much out of our price range. This is after all a resort town for China’s ultra-rich. I did however spot a sign that said ‘toys r us’ one floor above. When we got their though, another sign said one floor up. See in China you can pretty much say anything you want on a sign or bottle or advertisement or what have you. For example the pure chemical chocolate malted ice cream says it will make you 10 times stronger if you eat one everyday or the white grape juice that says you will always have strong eyes if you drink it everyday.
Once up on the toys r us floor we found a pair of shoes for little man and then moved to the toys r us section to avoid being stared at by the many sales attendants that have no one in their sections.
Once there I smelled an unfamiliar stench. I thought to myself, wow this store stinks and that’s odd because it’s such a nice shopping plaza. We were annoyed by a 12 year old want to practice his English. “HI” “HOW ARE YOU” “DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE” “I LIKE THIS ONE” “YOUR CHILD WILL LIKE THIS ONE TOO I THINK”. I put that in all caps because he was quite loud. I think mostly because, like me I think that speaking louder will make people understand my language if I say it LOUDER!
The stench did subside only to return when Christe caught up with me and said, “I think he’s tooting”. I told her I thought I smelled something. Before I could even get out “Ni Fung Pi La Ma” (Did you just fart in Chinese), Christe looked at me in shock and said, “WE HAVE TO GO, NOW”.
Little man not only took a royal dump but he had a nice runny diarrhea one and it had leaked out of the diaper and Christe was now holding his hat underneath him to keep it from running down her entire front-side.
Now let’s make no bones about it. My wife is a saint when it comes to this sort of thing. She did not just hand him off to me or anything of the sort. She knew we were at least 15-20 minutes walking distance from the hotel. Not once did she say, ‘let’s move his juicy behind to a taxi’.
Once back at the hotel we realized that everything had been pooed on, her shirt, her tank, her arm his legs, his shorts, the baby-bjorn or what ever it’s called ( I now call it ‘THE POOH SLING”).
Christe got Oslo taken care of through a thorough strip down and every wipe in the travel plastic wipe holder. She gave me a simple command, “Watch him, while I go wash myself”.
So moments into her hand-washing, my simple task suddenly became what I can only judge as a complete daddy FAILURE!
Oslo is 17 months old and we had heard the rumors before that these orphanage babies are potty trained by 1 year old. When we got London my wife tried a quick hang over the potty that went less than swimmingly so we vowed to go with diapers until ready. So with Os we are holding to the same principal. Add to that, the potty chairs here are vastly different both in look and shape.
So back to my failure, my wife had stepped away for mere moments and I must of blinked or something but there it was, my first high-pitched girly, “UH NO! NO! NO! - UH CHRISTE!”
That’s right the empty travel wipes container was left in the lid open position! So DUH, it was obviously ready for one little man to unload the bladder, big man style!
His aim wasn’t nearly as good as some, so I had two choices, adjust him or adjust his toilet. I opted for toilet.
You can see by the picture, daddy tells no lies!
Oslo's Potty Trained?
Now for tomorrows agenda we’re going to empty the larger version and see if thinks it’s the shitter!
You think he'll try to poop?
Also on tomorrow agenda, the real deal adoption and maybe some tea farmers house and silk museum.
